Horny Sheep

Next up this fine sheep week - horny Northumbrian sheep.

Yes, females in some species have horns too. Let's hear it for the horny girls.

Can't wait to see what kind of internet attention this post gets, and from where.

A Mighty Fine Rock

A bit erratic perhaps, but darn pretty.

Two tourists were hiking in the Chequamegon-Nicolet National Forest.  

“I wonder where all these rocks came from?” - One tourist asked.

“Well,” said the other tourist. “I hear the glacier brought 'em.”

“So where is the glacier now?” - The first tourist asked.

“I guess it went back for more rocks.” – Was the reply.

Geologists have their faults (bada boom) but no one can accuse them of lacking a funny streak.

Be Alert

We need more lerts.

That's what we used to say back in the day and it never failed to elicit a chuckle (or a groan).

But seriously, 

be alert to possible pranks today or you may see a grinning fooler having a good laugh at your expense.

Table Talk

It's been awhile since we have used the blog label "Kindergarten Humor" so, for the upcoming holiday, may we present some truly juvenile jokes and riddles for your amusement and as possible fillers for awkward gaps in, or for swift topic changes during Thanksgiving dinner conversation. 

1. What does a turkey like to eat at Thanksgiving? (see all answers below)

2. What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?

3. What do you call it when it rains turkeys?

4. Why did the turkey cross the road?

5. What happened when the turkey got into a fight?

6. Which side of a turkey has the most feathers?

7. Why did the turkey cross the road a second time?

8. What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter? 

After Thanksgiving dinner was finished, Paul saw his little brother Stevie in the backyard poking holes in the dirt and filling them in with birdseed.

"Why are you planting birdseed?" Paul asked.

"I'm growing next year's turkey," Stevie replied. 

An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. 
His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the tavern.

"Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!" 

"How did it taste?", they asked the farmer.

"I don’t know", said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"

The football team had just finished their practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. 

When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, 

"You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus." 

"Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"

Answers:

1. Nothing. They are already stuffed.

2. A drumstick for everybody.

3. Fowl weather.

4. It was the chicken's day off.

5. He got the stuffing knocked out of him!

6. The outside!

7. To show he wasn't chicken.

8. "Quack! Quack! Quack!"



Image courtesy of The Graphics Fairy.

Say There Captain

A song from long ago comes into your head. You quiz all you meet to see if they remember it too. The facts are sketchy. Did you dream it, or is it from the depths of your memory bank? If so, how did it stick there for a half century while volumes of other information vanished, leaving room for "A Horse in Striped Pajamas"?




Thank goodness for the affirming power of the internet made possible by kindred baby boomer kids who sat for hours in front of early day educational TV, and then grew up to be creative YouTube uploaders. Captain Kangaroo, Mr. Greenjeans, Mr. Moose, and Mr. Bunny Rabbit made quite an impression on us and we are thinking that it was not a bad formative influence really.



THE HORSE IN STRIPED PAJAMAS

Well here we are at the zoo Mr. Greenjeans
Say Captain, I've never been here before. Do you know the names of all these animals?
Well, I do, Mr. Greenjeans, but do you?

Well, now, let me see…

Say there, Captain, do you see? There's a horse in striped pajamas
No, that's not what it is at all. That's an animal people call a zebra
I see, but it still looks like a horse in striped pajamas to me

Say there, Captain, do you see? There's a bird in his tuxedo
No, that's not what it is at all. That's an animal people call a penguin
I see, but it still looks like a bird in his tuxedo to me

There's a fish with whiskers on
That's a seal, for real

There's a teddy with two black eyes
That's how they planned the little panda

Hey there, Captain, do you see? There's a cat with polka dots on
No, that's not what it is at all. That's an animal people call a leopard
I see, but it still looks like acat with polka dots on to me

Well, look there, Captain, do you see? There's a bird with a big umbrella
No, that's not what it is at all. That's an animal people call a peacock
I see, but it still looks like a bird with his umbrella to me

Well, do you think you know them now?

Well, no matter what you say, Captain, when I get home this afternoon
I'll say to everyone there:

I saw a fish with whiskers on
You saw a teddy with two black eyes

I saw a cat with polka dots
You saw a bird in his tuxedo

And of course, the horse in striped pajamas

©1948 zell/kreeb

The King's Bad Word

Since hearing that an F-word-sanitized version of The King's Speech is coming to theatres this Friday we have been unable to keep from giggling every time we think of Colin Firth shouting, "Fudge. Fudge. Fudge. Fudge."




Sadly, newly acquired details of the story from The Hollywood Reporter reveal that that is not to be the case. PG-13 still allows minor oaths to be substituted for vulgar ones so it seems we will have to wait until the G version comes out before we get to hear the line done our way.

The redo is being released on April fool's Day. Could it be an elaborate joke?

Shotgun Shells, Batman Smells*

While the men are off shivering in their tree stands waiting for that trophy buck to pass by, the womenfolk are convening and crafting. Many try hard to do it in a most green way recycling anything and everything that can be made into unique Christmas decor.




This year's version of the santa tree ornament made at a certain annual gathering of dedicated crafters should really appeal to all the uncles, nephews, sons, and husbands. A few of this group's many other past representations of the jolly old elf have started with spoons, walnuts, dried okra, keys, christmas tree bulbs, and milkweed pods. They're crafty and clever and surely already dreaming up Santa version 2011.


*Robin laid an egg,
Batmobile lost a wheel,
and Joker broke a leg.

Escargot* Begonia

It's kind of wrong to add a silly footnote to photos of an elegant plant such as this, but our inner kindergartener can be rather irrepressible so...




*What did the gardener say when she saw a snail speed past her in a Citroën?

"Look at that escargot!"

Riddle Me This

What do gnomes say when they first meet?

"Small world, isn't it?"





Which month do gnomes talk the least?

February. It's the shortest month.


Why did the gnome's dog jump into the river?

He wanted to chase catfish.


What happened when granny gnome bought some steel wool?

She knit a very scratchy sweater.


Why is it so hard to borrow money from gnomes?

Because they're always short.


Riddles compliments of a faithful reader whose inner kindergartner is one of her best attributes.